Why Am I Still Single?

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Single Christians will often beat themselves up. They will ask, “What’s wrong with me, God? Am I unlovable?” The truth is that you are very lovable. There is nothing wrong with you! In fact, you are wonderful. However, you may be falling into a common trap.

As a fun way to communicate the traps, I created singles profiles along with a recommended verse, prayer, reflection, or practical advice. What type of single Christian are you? An unbelievers’s pal? One with skyscraper standards? A lonely angel? Or a waiter dater? Single Christians often fall into one of these profiles based on their personal choices and individual personality.

Profile: Unbeliever’s Pal -The Unbeliever’s Pal spends most of his/her time with unbelievers. This person is oodles of fun. He or she would probably be married to an unbeliever, but they know God wants them to marry another Christian. So they are suspended in singlehood…
Verse: 2 Cor. 6:14 states Can light have anything in common with darkness?
Recommended Reflections: Why do I choose to spend so much time with unbelievers? Am I double-minded or compromised in my actions or thoughts? Do I feel an obligation to save them or take care of them?
Prayer: Lord, please help me to limit the amount of time I spend with unbelievers. Send more Christians into my life. Fill my heart with a unique love for them. Amen.
Practical Advice: Attend more church and Christian events and home groups. Aggressively seek fellowship with them. Stop stooping to an unholy lifestyle for unbelievers. Instead, ask your unbelieving friends to stand upright with you.

Profile: Skyscraper Standards – Mr. or Miss Skyscraper Standards finds it difficult to find the right person. He or she is probably attractive and seems to have it all together. There is just something wrong with every person they date. So this person is perpetually single and searching…
Verse: Romans 9:21 states Or is not a potter authorized over the clay to make some formed things from it, one vessel for honor and one for dishonor?
Recommended Reflections: Do I love myself? Am I projecting my discontentedness with myself onto others? Can I focus on the good in myself and others?
Prayer: Lord, Give my Your loving eyes to see myself and others. Help me to remember You created us fearfully and wonderfully. Help me to focus on the characteristics you love in others. Amen.
Practical Advice: Take time to let go of your own imperfections. Be friendly to everyone and accept all date invitations. Give lots of chances. Accept 2nd and 3rd date invitations even if the first date did not go well. Focus on having a good time instead of finding someone.

Profile: Lonely Angel – The Lonely Angel spends most of their time either alone or hanging with Christians of the same gender. They have a great relationship with God, but they just aren’t really meeting anyone they feel connected to. They are caught in a routine of being single….
Verse: 2Samuel 6:14 Wearing a linen ephod, David was dancing before the LORD with all his might…
Recommended Reflections: How determined am I to become married? Am I allowing the passion for life to exhibit itself? Is a job or something else draining time and resources that should be devoted to finding my future spouse?
Prayer: Lord, Help me to seek my future spouse with passion. Guide me to be available and obedient. Amen.
Practical Advice: Convince a few of your single same-gender friends to do something the opposite gender prefers to do. If you are a guy, hang out at the food court in the mall. If you are a girl, go to a baseball game. Challenge yourself to start a conversation with 3 strangers of the opposite gender by the end of the night. Give one of them your phone number. Rejections are meaningless. Keep going. Tell your friends to set you up on a blind date with one of their Christian friends.

Profile: Waiter Dater – The Waiter Dater is always in a long-term relationship. This person is skilled in the art of relationships, but the relationship they are in never results in marriage. So they are forever single because they are always waiting for a proposal or the right time to propose.
Verse: Gen. 2:1-2 states Thus the heavens and the earth were completed in all their vast array. By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing…
Recommended Reflections: Am I in a healthy relationship or a state of dependency? What is the real reason this relationship has not resulted in marriage? Do I have the courage to commit if it is right? Do I have the courage to end it if I know it is not right?

Prayer: Lord, please give me the courage to do all You have called me to do. Help me to trust what I feel You are telling me to do. Thank You that You always guide with wisdom. In Christ’s Name, Amen.

Practical Advice: Guys, do not make excuses to delay a proposal. If she really is the one you want to marry, isn’t she more important than your next semester of college education? If the rest of the people in history waited until they were financially secure, imagine how many marriages and families never would have existed! Ladies, show yourself some respect and walk away from a relationship when you realize he is just not that into you. If he is into you, he won’t let you go.

I could write a few more, but it is likely that you see yourself in one or more of these profiles. It may be some combination of these descriptions. You may not fit neatly into any of the above profiles. Perhaps it would be better to create your own profile and make a strategy for resolving your stumbling blocks to marriage.

Remember God loves you. He hears your desperate pleas to find someone. He knows your longing to share love and start families. Are you willing to do what He is asking of you to make that happen? God is willing to help you especially when you make yourself available for your future spouse to enter your life. As faithful as he or she is, I doubt they are willing to walk up to your door and knock while you sit there on your computer and ask you on a date….or tell you to break up with that person you’ve been dating seven years…or well, you get it.

In the meantime, enjoy having the whole bed to yourself. If the loneliness gets to be too much, tell yourself, “I want to remember this loneliness so that when I marry the right person…I will have the good sense to stand by their side even when it gets tough.” God is always preparing you for your future and His kingdom. God bless!

© 2015 Kim Bond

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